She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
zippers are such a cool invention
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
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