is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
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