you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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