I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
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