do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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