saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize
