do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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