So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
