Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
