I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
