come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Randomize
