We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
