Don't make out with my wife yet
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Randomize
