Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize