Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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