I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Randomize
