yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
