She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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