man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
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