i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Text me some of your sweat
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
