The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
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