So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Your shirt... Was in my pants
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
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