so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
