you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
