How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
40s are totally the cure
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
there is puke in my bra ... again
Randomize
