well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize
