I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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