We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
