Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Randomize
