I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
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