Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Randomize
