Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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