so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
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