dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
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