It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize