i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
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