I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
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