honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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