My sheets look like a crime scene.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize
