haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
