I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
if you force a hooker to have sex with you and dont pay her would it be rape or theft? something to ponder
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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