Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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