I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
