Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
Randomize
