feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
