so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
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