i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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