no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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