Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
