i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Randomize
