went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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