hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
