spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
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