I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
Randomize
