i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Randomize