i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize