Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize