fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
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