So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
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