Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Randomize
