That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
