The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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