i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
