Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize